I wish my family supported me..

[useless]

hi!!

after years of knowing about the disorder, and with my boyfriend at the time supporting me, I decided to pluck up the courage to tell my mum expecting her to understand after years of dealing with anorexia, however, she told me it was a phase I was going through as I was a teenager, and we never spoke about it again, and since then I haven't told her anything, and make a point in keeping myself to myself.

I feel like having family there to help would definitely benefit people, and help the disorder, I just wish my mum had been there for me, as I now feel like an idiot talking to anyone about my problems, and feel noone cares or wants to hear it, thus ending up bottling things up and exploding,

Sarah

[Map of the Problematique]

Try focusing on those who do support you.  I'm sure there are people out there that love you and that care about what you're going through.  Your mothers support may be very important to you, but think about every one else that cares.  

[user744363]

I am new to this and have been looking for sites that my daughter can turn to when her BDD gets hard for her to handle.

I am a mother of a beautiful inside and out 26 yr old daughter who got diagnoised with BDD.  I thought she felt insecure and had a low self esteem after the break up with her boyfriend for whom they planned to marry.  She became very depresses...abnormally depressed to say the least, but she seemed to pick herself up somewhat, but never completely back to her self.  after the break up a yr ago, his new girlfriend, then 18,  told my daughter that she was old and wrinkley.  She toke that personally and to heart.  This was the beginning of her obsession with the under part of her eye.  This lead to juvederm injection.  She then obsessed over this claiming that the juvederm made lumps under her eyes.  I told her that I dont see what she sees and that most people dont look that close anyway.  She thought that I and everybody she asked had lied to her.  We live in Wisconsin and she flew out to California to have the juvederm removed (Plastic Surgeons in Green Bay would not remove it).  She was then obsessed with the  results and claimed her under eye was now hollow and then had it refilled.....etc.  This disorder has taken control of her.   She had taken a leave of absence from her job, went into inpatient treatment for 3 wks and said it made her more suicidal then before treatment due to no medication the first 2 wks and I think the exposures gave her tremendous aniexty.  When she got home her obsession with her eye was really bad, so bad that she told me she no longer wanted to live.  Her sister then called the family crisis center but my daughter said she would not commit suicide and I had her sleep at my house with the Crisis center doing checks on her.  The next day she started out patient treatment 20 miles away and she was so scared and I was terrified for her.  I felt so helpless, my daughter was hurting and I was consumed with thoughts of "Did I do this to my daughter!"  As  a mother, I toke this personally and I then knew I could not fix this monster inside her head......but I knew I could not let that monster kill her either.  She bravely went into her first group at day treatment, and when I picked her up she said she really liked the other patients and therapist.  The next week she could only get herself to go one of the five days.  Luckily she had the opportunity to meet with the Psychiatrist who put her on Effexor.  I am just praying that this takes the edge and calms the voices she hears about her eye. And I really hope she gets into her program next week.

I feel helpless and was told by one of her past therapist that this disorder is stimulated by reassurance from others around the BDD sufferer and that I should not reassure her and instead tell her when she asks if I see the lumps under her eyes and now she thinks some of it moved to her nose, I should respond," Is that what you see?"  I feel so bad for her spinning out of control thoughts, but I get frustrated with the repetitiveness of the questions.  I also get really scared when she says she does not want to live anymore and tells me ways she thinks about ending her life so that the thoughts stop.  I feel so vulnerable and mentally exhaused and pray a lot that I have the strength to support her recovery.  I also get upset when she did not go to treatment last week.  Now I feel bad for getting firm with her regarding that after I did more research on the beastly disorder.  If anyone has any suggestions, for when the victim feels helpless how do I support her or what do I do?

[madrikh]

First of all, welcome to the forum. It's wonderful that you are supportive of your daughter. Many parents do not accept or try to understand this disorder.
Also, as a mother myself, I can understand the pain you feel for your daughter must be enormous.

Perhaps you have read this on other threads, but CBT is the recommended treatment for BDD; it sounds like maybe your daughter is seeing someone who uses CBT. If not, other types of psychotherapy can make BDD worse (perhaps what happened in her inpatient treatment).
Medication can be helpful; I don't remember if Effexor is a common one used for BDD, but I will check.

For yourself, you may want to check out one or all of the following resources:
The BDD Workbook by James Claiborn
Feeling Good About the Way You Look by Sabine Wilhelm
The Broken Mirror by Katharine Phillipps; Dr Phillipps also has a newer book out, but I can't remember the title just now.

Also, in the Treatments section of this forum there is a thread of Dr Claiborn's answers to posted questions. It's something like Dr Claiborn's Encyclopedia (I should know the exact wording, I'm sorry). This thread is full of helpful information.
Your daughter would also benefit greatly from the above resources.

Please be sure you get some support for yourself. Do you have a close friend, a counselor, or perhaps a pastor to talk with? Maybe keeping a journal would be helpful. And make extra effort for your own self-care; exercise, eat well, spend time in supportive relationships, laugh, do things you enjoy.

Feel free to post more questions as they come up.

Peace,
Marci

[Duckling]

When my Mother first heard I had BDD, she was skeptical.  It really hurt.  The thing with her was that from an early age, she was taught that looks were important so when she had me - Tall, chubby, and geeky - she passed that onto me but how does a small child go about changing something genetic.

I later realised it was nothing to do with her thinking I was ugly or not understand BDD.  It was because she has her own issues.  She too has an eating disorder and carries great guilt about my childhood around and with BDD being dianosed, she felt it was her fault so she didn't want to acknowledge it.

If your Mother was taught herself looks are important and passed that onto you, she may not want to hear that you now have problems due to that believe, especailly as she knows herself those believes lead her to anorexia.

Do you recieve counselling?  If you do, maybe you can ask you counsellor to mediate a conversation between you and your mother so she realises you need help and no one is blaming her at all.

[user744363]

thanks marci for your words of concern, kindness and support.  I have one more issue.  I divorced my daughters father 16 yrs ago and he is narcisstic.  Today, I wanted to let him know what was going on with his daughter and that I feared that she was suicidal.  I also told him that I set up an appointment with the BDD Clinic in Los Angles for a thourough assessment of my daughters condition.  He thinks this is ridiculous and that I sugar coat my daughters lives and this is the problem they have with life.  I am so disappointed that he thinks she can lick this by being tough and going to a program that deals with group therapy for people with depression, which dont get me wrong she has acquired this too with BDD.  The clinic in California does assessments to make sure she doesnt have any other underlying issues so she can be directed to the proper treatment and meds.  After talking with my former husband I felt like maybe I am nuts for wanting to send my daughter to California. 

[runbree]

I wish my parents strongly intervened when my BDD started at 13.  Your daughter is fortunate to have a mom willing to take such drastic measures...  You are right:  treatment for depression alone will not resolve your daughter's primary dilemma.

Sadly, suicide attempts among BDDers are the highest among all mental disorders (at 25%).  It's a deadly disorder that requires powerful loving intervention.

Depression co-occurs in 80% of BDDers;  BDD typically triggers clinical depression.

I've attended group therapy at the BDDClinic -- your daughter would be in good hands.  UCLA is affiliated with it and it's among the premiere centers for OCD/ BDD treatment.

There are also other reputable treatment centers you might be interested in, like the Rogers Memorial Hospital in OK and Butler Hospital in RI, and Massachusetts General Hospital.  Some offer free treatments/ trials (to further research.)  Try ocfoundation.org for more options....

let us know how you guys are

[MyShadowInTheDark]

When I told my mom about my problems and my insecurities she just laught at me and told me I was vain and stupid. That really hurt because I expected a lot more moral support from her. But I guess it's very hard for a parent to admit that there is something wrong with her child.
Anyway, I have been stugling with depresion for about 5 years now .My academic perfomance has declined a lot .I used to be top of my class and loved to study and do school work ,now I can hardly pass an exam.
I also suffered from anorexia a few years ago.I was absolutly obsesed with weight-loss . I had this strange ideea that if my face was ugly than at least my body must look normal .I ended up being extremly underweight and with sever anemia in the first year of university .My parents completly ignored this and failed to understand what the real problem was.
I never asked my parents to solve my problems( becasue I know that only I can to that) but to at least understand me and show me some moral support .It would truly make a difference and help me not fell so alone . Also, my parents have really high expectations of me ( it's sometimes hard to live up to that) so I guess that makes it for them even harded to see my problem.