i beat bdd. you can do it too

[Cranberry]

i dont participate here much... im a lurker so most of you wont be familiar with me.

a year ago my life was slipping through my fingers. i never laughed, i never smiled. i couldnt go out into public without feeling horrible anxiety from bdd. my absenteeism from school was becoming a serious issue. it was very difficult to participate in lab work. if it wasnt the depression causing me indifference and inability to concentrate on my studies, then my mind was preoccupied with everything that was wrong with how i thought i looked. i was close to dropping out of a prestigious school. i was ashamed to get help. when i did start sharing my experiences i was ashamed to tell people i was in school because i was performing poorly academically. i was a prisoner to the paranoia of what i thought i knew others were thinking of my physical appearance. i felt my flaws were too ugly to be seen.

eventually the bdd confined me to my room and i could no longer meet my academic responsibilities and temporarily left school to focus all my attention on getting well. my psychiatrist prescribed me antidepressants and shortly after we began the rounds of cognitive behavioral therapy. it wasnt easy. i learned a person has to be willing to change. i had to depart with preconceived notions, and most difficult... questioning my instincts, questioning what i thought i knew about myself, and about others. something i read by a person on this forum who i dont see here anymore was later reiterated by my doctor... and it was so true although counter-intuitive... don't trust everything you think and feel, learn which kind of thoughts and feelings to question and doubt. not everything we intuitively think and feel is true. what is bdd if not for the obsessive irrational inferences on how we see ourselves, how we assume others see us, and how much importance we willfully give these irrational inferences of ours?

i fully immersed myself into the therapy, and tackled it like it was part of my academic curriculum. if my psychiatrist gave me homework assignments to do in between visits, i forced myself to do them, including those that contained exposure to those things that triggered anxiety. i put the therapy before my fears and my feelings. i think this is something everyone can accomplish, you just have to bite the bullet and force yourself to put in the effort to doing it, and doing it well.

the therapy will teach you how to see the world without your bdd filter. it was kind of like the girl who learned there were no monsters in her closet. she no longer had to avoid her closet, she no longer had anxiety about the closet, the monsters didnt really exist. our inferences made through the bdd filter may not really exist either. which is to say, if you have physical flaws they wont vanish when you recover. instead, the inferences you make about yourself and others in response to having those flaws will change.

i hope this can inspire someone or give someone hope the same way that the counter-intuitive comment i read on this forum opened my eyes and gave me the little jolt that began more positive change for me.

<3

[Mattch]

Well done. I just want to add my voice to yours, as the whole experience you describe in your post is very similar to my own. I especially like this part ;

[size=12]fully immersed myself into the therapy, and tackled it like it was part of my academic curriculum. if my psychiatrist gave me homework assignments to do in between visits, i forced myself to do them, including those that contained exposure to those things that triggered anxiety. i put the therapy before my fears and my feelings. i think this is something everyone can accomplish, you just have to bite the bullet and force yourself to put in the effort to doing it, and doing it well. [/size]

I hope you stick around BDDCentral and share your experience, strength and hope.

Healthy regards,
Matt

[nikey]

wonderful news cranberry! =)
yes, it is very inspiring to hear!

soon i'll take the same path.. im on the waitinglist for an appointment.

take care

[pastoral3]

Well done !

I hope things get better and better for you

 

[JericoRose]

Thats wonderful news, you sound like a very strong person, I hope I can do that too.

[Cranberry]

ty.

if any of u need someone to talk to u can send me a private msg.

[Mattch]

Hi Canberry,

I was hoping that you could share your experiences on the forum 8-). It would be a shame to limit your strong message by doing PM's. Of course it goes without saying that anyone is welcome to  PM each other and there are suitable reasons to do so, but I'm sure many more (even in the future) can benefit from reading your BDD experience, strength and hope on the forum.

I hope you don't let one persons mis-interpretation of one of your posts in the general forum thwart your communication.  

Healthy regards,
Matt

[Plastic_Shark]

This is a great post. I agree with everything you say, i have learnt these things too, i just wish i'd done it sooner. CBT therapy is you best hope for beating BDD, DO NOT WAIT FOR IT TO GO ON ITS OWN! i did that for 10 years. Challnge it and accept any help that is out there.